Part II Dating Revelations

Part II of (hopefully) many dating revelations

So about before… You know, my dating post… well I have to say that I did not mean to come across as if I had figured it all out and had it all under control. And I have been reminded of that lately.  Here goes another shot at vulnerability:

I am struggling between knowing the difference between guarding your heart and being closed off. I’m not saying I’ve had any “suitors” just lining up at my door but just in the thinking and the mentality of dating. I’m in college, it is a big deal in all of our lives (don’t act like its not, i know you are 'cause that's what I'd be doing if I was reading this.) But having talked about this thoroughly with my girlfriends because -well- were girls we've decided/realized that maybe we don’t know the difference yet because we don’t need to know yet. Obviously we haven’t been introduced to or been made aware of someone that would cause our dilemma to go from being too closed off to knowing the different between guarding our hearts and opening up. This is God’s way of telling us that its not our time. It is his way of protecting us from pointless drama, heartbreak, nonsense, and the works. I am selfish… thats the bottom line. I don’t think I have met the right person to change my time commitments. I don’t have any time that I would trade with my friends, with my organizations, etc. But all these things will be a clue as to when I do find a guy that I a willing to give up time, willing to open up, willing to allow my independence go, not be selfish for, as long as he is also furthering my relationship with the Lord. After my last attempt to sort through dating a friend responded to me and concluded, “this time of our lives doesn't have to be looked at as a time of “waiting.””  She was so right!  It is still life, it is still happening, going on around us, and my purpose and entire being is not revolved around finding my significant other. I recently went to a church event about dating. Yeah, I know they didn't try to present the subject subtly. But I went and, you know, I learned a lot. I have been struggling with feeling like I shouldn't think about my husband and boys in general because my life shouldn't revolve around them but just like everything else in the world pretty much, there is a balance. In Genesis the Lord makes the woman for the man as a helpmate so it is natural for us to be searching for that. Obviously this isn't our only purpose in life but it is okay to test the waters.
I have been struggling with thinking about boys in general and hating myself when I do because I think I am not “content” with where God has me but I know in my heart I am. I have learned that you can be content and still interested. You do not have to write off boys to be content. And ( though it annoys me sometimes) the opposite sex are a big part of our lives. we don’t need to let them be the center of it but God created us as suitable partners and “for that reason the man leaves his family” (Genesis 2:24.)  We were made not to live to find a mate but to live and find a mate.
This has been an eternal internal struggle for me. I go back and forth (as you can tell from my unending rambling and repetitiveness) and it is hard to be constant because my flesh, the world, tells me one thing and my faith and heart tell me another. But I am consistently learning more and more and I am thankful for that, because, though, I will never be fully “ready” to take on the role of a partner for another, at least I will be somewhat prepared.
And for those of you who aren’t single.. A common question that was brought up at the Equip: Dating night, I mentioned, was “how do you know when your’e ready/or they’re the one?” Well the panel answered with, you know it’s right obviously after a lot of prayer and being obedient to the Lord, but also when your heart and your head line up. You'll know when you're heart is fully in it and your head is in agreement and vice versa. An analogy that came to mind as I was thinking about this has to do with running. Sometimes in my runs the burning in my lungs is what slows me down and other times it is the ache of my legs and yet other times it is both. But just alike when my lungs nor my legs hold me back I can run straight for it— whatever “it” is. So when you have nothing holding you back you know it is right. When we are in God’s will and trusting in him it is okay to trust ourselves because he is in us.

 These lessons seems redundant but they are very potent in where I and others around me are in life.  I hope at least some of this made sense!  Oh, and have a great Thursday because tomorrow is Friday!

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

He is the Same, I am Changed.

Reading the Old Testament is pretty difficult.  I have been in Deuteronomy lately and recently read:

58 “If you are not careful to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God, 59 then the Lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, afflictions severe and lasting, and sicknesses grievous and lasting. 60 And he will bring upon you again all the diseases of Egypt, of which you were afraid, and they shall cling to you. 61 Every sickness also and every affliction that is not recorded in the book of this law, the Lord will bring upon you, until you are destroyed. 62 Whereas you were as numerous as the stars of heaven, you shall be left few in number, because you did not obey the voice of the Lord your God. 63 And as the Lord took delight in doing you good and multiplying you, so the Lord will take delight in bringing ruin upon you and destroying you. And you shall be plucked off the land that you are entering to take possession of it.

Deuteronomy 28:58-63

It is hard for born again believers to wrap our minds around this passage.  He is so intense and this scares us, which it should.  But the reality is that God is constant, never changing from beginning to end.  So then that must mean he is still this same God from Deuteronomy.  The God who sends the most painful and wretched consequences to those who deliberately disobey his laws.  Punishments of pure suffering and sheer distress.

     I was pondering this for a while and for a brief time felt a little confused because this characteristic of God had not always been taught fully to me.  I know that there will always be things that my little mind just won't be able to comprehend about such an all-knowing God.  But he did reveal to me how he can still be that jealous and just beyond all comprehension and yet the most compassionate and patient giver of grace.  The answer to how he can be both of these extremes is

JESUS.

     Jesus, period.  He was and is the answer.  How long have we always known that?  I mean really, that is the most used answer for everything in church, (the "church" answer.)  But really think about it and he will reveal it to you as well.  Think about what Jesus did for us.  Yes, he bared an unbearable death.  He literally felt the weight of all our sins.  He was separated from his Father, even though he was without blemish.  Put it into perspective.  He took on every single act of justice that we deserved, including death of course, but all those that would have occured before death as well.  Pain, suffering, sickness, loss...

fearful plagues.  harsh and prolonged disasters.  severe and lingering illnesses.

     He saved us from so much unthinkable, unimaginable consequences which we fully were owed thousands of times over.  But now as we are taught, Christ's blood covers our sins and transgressions.  And when that same jealous, and in our own mind, seemingly harsh God from the Old Testament looks at us, instead of seeing a black and sick heart he sees his One and Only Perfect Son. God is still that God but it is I who am changed because I have been saved.  I am no longer of this world.  Though I am a sinner, I am different because of Jesus.  

     Something that I have known for so long, God brought to me in a new light.  Perhaps to shake me up or awaken me, things were put into a fresh new perspective.  I'm sure he has done the same for you as well from time to time.  Just a great and real reminder of the fullness of the God who calls us his.

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

The ~Ever Inevitable~ Relationship Post

Alright, I'm laying it all out on the table.  Writing a dating blogpost is risky business but I'll continue... Obviously, I am a female college student.  Yes, we think about our futures and of course that includes our future husbands and all that entails.  And guys don't think we don't know y'all think about it too.

As girls and guys, sometimes there are two extremes in going about a relationship. 
       The first is that our worth and happiness and fulfillment come from having a significant other.  Or we're constantly chasing after a relationship or constantly desiring one.  Sometimes we are obsessed (okay obsessed is a very overused yet harsh word, but I'm still going to use it here) with a girl/guy/the want of one that we forget that as a part of the church we already have a groom, Christ!
       The second case is where we become so independent that we are stubborn towards, even the thought of having a relationship.  With such a hard-headed mindset we might even resist someone if God placed them on our doorstep.  This case could even include those who fear "feelings."

      This is actually where I found myself this semester.  I had plans for my single life.  I was going to do things before I had someone else to worry about.  I wanted time to be selfish and do the things I wanted to do.  I was going to travel and have experiences alone and focus on friendships.  (This may also still be the case but I'm always in the process of learning how to let God make my plans.) This was my mindset for a long time and then one day a friend told me that it was okay to open up and look forward to the day "the one" might come along whether I know him now or not and it is okay to feel for someone because we were made to feel. 
      I realized that it is all a balancing act of guarding your heart (as if we haven't heard that ever) and allowing them to open up to God's will as well.  Actually, we can call it more of an act of faith than a balancing act.  In the end God will have the final say and we get to choose whether it is by the easy way because we were obedient and trusting or the hard way because we weren't. 
      I found my middle ground about a week ago.  I tried to explain this moment to my friends and my mom and found it kind of difficult but I'll try again now.  So I was walking across campus on my way to class, I had absolutely nothing on my mind and I wasn't thinking about anything.  All of a sudden these words were in my heart and were coming out of my mouth, "thank you, Lord, that I am single right now."  In this instance I actually stopped walking and paused.  I couldn't believe I had just spoken those words out loud.  I have honestly enjoyed being single and just the independence that comes with it but to actually be thankful at a time in life when everyone seems to believe that you have to be engaged by graduation or something is wrong, shocked me.  It was because of my own surprise, I realized that God, himself, had given me that thought, the thought to be grateful for a period of singleness in life.  In that moment the Lord, literally, spoke a prayer of thanksgiving into my heart.  It was such a sweet experience that reassured me that God has got it all covered and all I need to do is enjoy the adventure he has me on.

I can't make plans for myself because God is just going to ruin them anyways 

     Once you are satisfied with being single, accept that God might put someone in your life before you "think" you're ready, and fully put all this in his hands, he begins to prepare your heart for what is coming next in life, whatever/whoever that may be.  Allow God to work whenever, wherever, however and with whomever he wants.  It is actually very funny how God works, never ceasing to amaze or prove me wrong.  I'm just glad that I follow a God who I can trust if and more likely when he does change up my plans.  I can see myself becoming less of a Miss Independent and more of a Jesus Follower.  And in the meantime I'm praying for a willing heart for whatever he brings my way!

 

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

A Sequel

I know it hasn't been that long since I've posted last but I have to share a Part II of  Knocked {Flat on my Face} Down. 

       So Sunday evening came around and that means only one thing: the long run.  This week our distance was to be 10 miles!  I was pumped up and yet my stomach cringed at the thought of it.  Running for that long and that far was not going to be easy that's for sure.  But in this sweet time I got to see the Lord continue to teach and reveal things to me. 
       The first was as we were running and came upon the places that I had once fallen {flat on my face}, Megan jokingly but unmistakably held out her arms in a gesture to catch me just in case I were to fall again.  I smiled at her humor but thought that she had just demonstrated what friends are really for.  We are not running this race alone and God has provided us with accountability partners and fellow Christians to do exactly that for us: keep us accountable, encourage us, and spur us along.  I urge you to find people in your life, if you haven't already, that will do this and will lead you closer to the Lord.
       Not only did I have Megan there to make sure I didn't stumble again but I was also wiser in choosing my steps.   I knew where my weak spots were, when I was most tired, and worn out so I made sure to take extra care in those places.  Our battle scars remind us of our past struggles and difficult places.  We are able to avoid those situations because we are stronger when they come a knocking at our door again. We also pray that God will allow us to use our past experiences to influence someone else's life in a positive way, as a testimony.  So as part of my testimony, I am proud to say that I did not fall this run unlike the past two weeks.
       All in all it ended up being a satisfying run.  I felt good and though I was tired I could have kept pressing on.  Once I got home I took off my shoes and realized (okay this is kind of gross) that I was going to have some blisters and callouses on my feet.  These not so welcome effects are reminders as well.  They mean that I am going places; I am doing something; I am running the race.  Not everything in life-- life living for our Savior-- is sunshine and rainbows, obviously.  So say hello to blood blisters, and calluses, and scabs, and soreness!  It is inevitable, we are going to have these things but we must remember to not let our hearts become calloused. 
       And this is where the light bulb floating above my headed flicked on.  I had written a verse on a notecard and had it taped onto the mirror of my bathroom for weeks now.  I looked at it every time I walked into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc..  Yet the words' meaning did not truly impact me until this yesterday.

 

Proverbs 28: 14

Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.

This is exactly what I had done.  I had been in a dry (desert) and calloused state spiritually and I was feeling so far from God emotionally.  I had fallen, literally on my runs and in my relationship with Jesus.    What are the steps to recovery they say?

1. Denial and 2. Acceptance and 3. so on and so on... 

Well then "my name is Karsyn White and I am a sinner."

And now I am so excited to say that I am moving along in the recovery process for getting my heart back in the right place. Jesus tugged at me and I finally felt aware of his presence for the first time in a long while. 
Oh my goodness, does it feel good to be back in his arms again.  I can finally breathe and my heart has started to soften.  Thank you, Lord, for your merciful embrace.

There are so many take-aways from this experience but in the end they have all led me deeper into the midst of my Savior, Jesus Christ and I'm running hard into him.


      

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

I'm wandering hopelessly through a desert and it's hot and dry and...

Ever been walking through a spiritual desert? Has your faith ever been dried up by life?

There are times in our lives as Christians that we feel spiritually far away from God.  We can not feel him and we are not emotionally stirred by him in worship, or prayer, or quiet times, or sermons.  But the truth is, we can't rely on our emotions to reassure us that he is still near.  We are human and our emotions are seriously out of whack.  We can not trust ourselves because we are simply human-- sinners. 
This is how I had been feeling and as a result I was unmotivated, grouchy and a little bratty.  When one morning in my quiet time, the Lord showed me this passage:

1 Corinthians 14:15-16

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind. If you are praising God with your spirit, how can one who finds himself among those who do not understand say "Amen" to your thanksgiving, since he does not know what you are saying?

 

 

Our relationship with Christ is not based on how we're feeling, yesterday, today, or tomorrow.  We are commanded to praise and obey our Father.  Sometimes we don't want to do it and sometimes we're just "not feeling it" but we are called to do it no matter what.  This commandment is what leads us to praise him even in the rough and dry seasons of our spiritual walk with Christ.  When our hearts are broken or hardened, our mind should still know full well the power and love that our Lord and Savior has for us.

And in that... in those times when the world is telling us to forget about our faith, in those times when it's hard and we find ourselves not passionate at all, we must still make sure that our lives point to Him.  This is what brings non-believers to their knees. When they see this in how we live, they see Him.  I've said it before and I'll say it again life is not all about what happens but how we react. 

 

So in those times when you're wandering hopelessly though a desert... and it's hot... and dry... and you're waiting and praying for the Lord to move and stir your heart, you've just got to keep on keepin' on.

 

 

God's Blessings

 

Karsyn Penelope

Father Knows Best

Alright so I could probably write a novel on my mishaps.  I should stop being surprised by my many misfortunes.  I should also realize that the saying "when it rains, it pours" is very applicable to my life.  And I have realized that when these 'accidents' happen a multitude of life lesson come out of them. 
I must admit, this has all sounded like I'm having a bit of a pity party for myself (party of one), but let me say I am not trying to complain, as I have very recently learned and been convicted of that complaining about our circumstances is criticizing our God.  So bear with me as I tell you this story.

Now if you know me you might know about my car, Simba (yes, I named my car. People say when you name something you become emotionally attached to it-- well it's true.)  Anyways I love Simba and I am very thankful that I have a car but he has had more than his fair share of issues.  Since just being away at college he has broken down in the middle of the road twice now, not to mention the three flat tires I've had.  You may know about the time that I rather stupidly caught a ride with a man wearing a Scottish kilt, dressed from the medieval times when I was stranded on the side of a freeway halfway between College Station and Houston, that was a good story. But anyways, it is now a very common occurence for me to be asked the question "how is Simba doing?" Well yesterday one of my notorious "Oh Life" learning moments occurred and, you guessed it, it involved good ol' Simba.

              So I am driving down the highway when a really weird noise starts coming from my car.  I wasn't totally surprised because it's not uncommon with my car, when all of a sudden a loud clunk brings Simba to a halt-- in the middle of the road just before a bridge.  The gas pedal was working fine but the front wheels just wouldn't move.  And cue the panic!  I immediately fumbled to flick on my hazards and opened the door so that the pile up of cars behind me would know that they were going to have to go around me because I wasn't going anywhere.  I called my dad and chaotically tried to explain what had happened and that I was currently in the middle of the road.  On the verge of frustrated tears a couple of guys pulled up to help me push the car to the side of the road, all the while the car sounded like it was about to fall apart and I mean this in the most literal way possible.  Once out of the way of traffic the gentlemen made sure I was okay and went on their way.  I called my dad back and just lost it...
              You see, I had gone home the weekend before and my dad told me that I should take his car back to school so that my parents could figure out what to do with Simba and so that he wouldn't have to worry about me being three hours away with a very temperamental automobile.  But of course, in my prideful stubbornness I refused, because I wanted my car.  Not even two days later was my dad proven to be right.  He got a call from his frazzled daughter with a broken down car on the highway as the proof of his wisdom. 
              Boy was I feeling pretty stupid and angry at myself for not just listening to dad.  All he wanted to do was help me and keep me safe and protect me from emotional and physical stress, but no I wanted to do things my own way.  He rebuked me as he should have and then today when I talked to  him I told him how sorry I was for not being obedient without whining or complaining and he responded with "we live and we learn" and he told me that he loved me.  This is the perfect illustration how God is a father to us and if my dad on earth can exemplify this then think of how much greater a perfect, immortal, all-knowing Father is. 

How many times do we do this in our walk with the Lord, our heavenly Father.  We don't believe what the Word says about him. We don't believe that he can forgive us when we mess up; we don't trust that he has our better interest in mind; we just don't. All he wants is the best for us and I know that we have all heard that a million and one times before but do you wait to trust in Him until you go through a crisis or a mishap?  I know I'm guilty of that.  Is it always going to take a storm to make me trust in my God, my God who tells the winds to blow and the clouds to rain? 
All I can say is learn to have faith in your Creator and obey him.  He knows best... always.

Oh and I love you, Dad!

Underlying Lessons

In proclaiming to be a Christian I was really convicted in the midst of the chaos yesterday to show Christ in how I responded.  So much of life is not what happens but how we respond.  In the really not fun situation God gave me a joy that only could've come from him.  I had to interact with several different people: the Indian call-center guy from my insurance, the policeman who came to make sure everything was okay, the tow-truck guy, and the auto repair workers.  With everyone I just felt the need to be extra positive and friendly and thankful.  I do not know what came over me so obviously it was the Holy Spirit.  I even enjoyed each of my interactions with these people when I usually would be on the brink of just absolutely losing it altogether.  In short, we must remember who we represent at all times and have joy in every situation.  God always has provisions for us even in the everyday, mundane trials of life.  We must continue to have a joy that is eternal and from the Lord.  Once again it all comes down to trusting him and his undeniable, unending, unchangeable (even when we don't listen to him) love for us.


I promise that I won't change the name of this blog to the Misfortunate Life of Karsyn, but my dad is right "we live and we learn" and God allows good to come out of everything, even if only for life lessons.


God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope