Part II Dating Revelations

Part II of (hopefully) many dating revelations

So about before… You know, my dating post… well I have to say that I did not mean to come across as if I had figured it all out and had it all under control. And I have been reminded of that lately.  Here goes another shot at vulnerability:

I am struggling between knowing the difference between guarding your heart and being closed off. I’m not saying I’ve had any “suitors” just lining up at my door but just in the thinking and the mentality of dating. I’m in college, it is a big deal in all of our lives (don’t act like its not, i know you are 'cause that's what I'd be doing if I was reading this.) But having talked about this thoroughly with my girlfriends because -well- were girls we've decided/realized that maybe we don’t know the difference yet because we don’t need to know yet. Obviously we haven’t been introduced to or been made aware of someone that would cause our dilemma to go from being too closed off to knowing the different between guarding our hearts and opening up. This is God’s way of telling us that its not our time. It is his way of protecting us from pointless drama, heartbreak, nonsense, and the works. I am selfish… thats the bottom line. I don’t think I have met the right person to change my time commitments. I don’t have any time that I would trade with my friends, with my organizations, etc. But all these things will be a clue as to when I do find a guy that I a willing to give up time, willing to open up, willing to allow my independence go, not be selfish for, as long as he is also furthering my relationship with the Lord. After my last attempt to sort through dating a friend responded to me and concluded, “this time of our lives doesn't have to be looked at as a time of “waiting.””  She was so right!  It is still life, it is still happening, going on around us, and my purpose and entire being is not revolved around finding my significant other. I recently went to a church event about dating. Yeah, I know they didn't try to present the subject subtly. But I went and, you know, I learned a lot. I have been struggling with feeling like I shouldn't think about my husband and boys in general because my life shouldn't revolve around them but just like everything else in the world pretty much, there is a balance. In Genesis the Lord makes the woman for the man as a helpmate so it is natural for us to be searching for that. Obviously this isn't our only purpose in life but it is okay to test the waters.
I have been struggling with thinking about boys in general and hating myself when I do because I think I am not “content” with where God has me but I know in my heart I am. I have learned that you can be content and still interested. You do not have to write off boys to be content. And ( though it annoys me sometimes) the opposite sex are a big part of our lives. we don’t need to let them be the center of it but God created us as suitable partners and “for that reason the man leaves his family” (Genesis 2:24.)  We were made not to live to find a mate but to live and find a mate.
This has been an eternal internal struggle for me. I go back and forth (as you can tell from my unending rambling and repetitiveness) and it is hard to be constant because my flesh, the world, tells me one thing and my faith and heart tell me another. But I am consistently learning more and more and I am thankful for that, because, though, I will never be fully “ready” to take on the role of a partner for another, at least I will be somewhat prepared.
And for those of you who aren’t single.. A common question that was brought up at the Equip: Dating night, I mentioned, was “how do you know when your’e ready/or they’re the one?” Well the panel answered with, you know it’s right obviously after a lot of prayer and being obedient to the Lord, but also when your heart and your head line up. You'll know when you're heart is fully in it and your head is in agreement and vice versa. An analogy that came to mind as I was thinking about this has to do with running. Sometimes in my runs the burning in my lungs is what slows me down and other times it is the ache of my legs and yet other times it is both. But just alike when my lungs nor my legs hold me back I can run straight for it— whatever “it” is. So when you have nothing holding you back you know it is right. When we are in God’s will and trusting in him it is okay to trust ourselves because he is in us.

 These lessons seems redundant but they are very potent in where I and others around me are in life.  I hope at least some of this made sense!  Oh, and have a great Thursday because tomorrow is Friday!

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

The ~Ever Inevitable~ Relationship Post

Alright, I'm laying it all out on the table.  Writing a dating blogpost is risky business but I'll continue... Obviously, I am a female college student.  Yes, we think about our futures and of course that includes our future husbands and all that entails.  And guys don't think we don't know y'all think about it too.

As girls and guys, sometimes there are two extremes in going about a relationship. 
       The first is that our worth and happiness and fulfillment come from having a significant other.  Or we're constantly chasing after a relationship or constantly desiring one.  Sometimes we are obsessed (okay obsessed is a very overused yet harsh word, but I'm still going to use it here) with a girl/guy/the want of one that we forget that as a part of the church we already have a groom, Christ!
       The second case is where we become so independent that we are stubborn towards, even the thought of having a relationship.  With such a hard-headed mindset we might even resist someone if God placed them on our doorstep.  This case could even include those who fear "feelings."

      This is actually where I found myself this semester.  I had plans for my single life.  I was going to do things before I had someone else to worry about.  I wanted time to be selfish and do the things I wanted to do.  I was going to travel and have experiences alone and focus on friendships.  (This may also still be the case but I'm always in the process of learning how to let God make my plans.) This was my mindset for a long time and then one day a friend told me that it was okay to open up and look forward to the day "the one" might come along whether I know him now or not and it is okay to feel for someone because we were made to feel. 
      I realized that it is all a balancing act of guarding your heart (as if we haven't heard that ever) and allowing them to open up to God's will as well.  Actually, we can call it more of an act of faith than a balancing act.  In the end God will have the final say and we get to choose whether it is by the easy way because we were obedient and trusting or the hard way because we weren't. 
      I found my middle ground about a week ago.  I tried to explain this moment to my friends and my mom and found it kind of difficult but I'll try again now.  So I was walking across campus on my way to class, I had absolutely nothing on my mind and I wasn't thinking about anything.  All of a sudden these words were in my heart and were coming out of my mouth, "thank you, Lord, that I am single right now."  In this instance I actually stopped walking and paused.  I couldn't believe I had just spoken those words out loud.  I have honestly enjoyed being single and just the independence that comes with it but to actually be thankful at a time in life when everyone seems to believe that you have to be engaged by graduation or something is wrong, shocked me.  It was because of my own surprise, I realized that God, himself, had given me that thought, the thought to be grateful for a period of singleness in life.  In that moment the Lord, literally, spoke a prayer of thanksgiving into my heart.  It was such a sweet experience that reassured me that God has got it all covered and all I need to do is enjoy the adventure he has me on.

I can't make plans for myself because God is just going to ruin them anyways 

     Once you are satisfied with being single, accept that God might put someone in your life before you "think" you're ready, and fully put all this in his hands, he begins to prepare your heart for what is coming next in life, whatever/whoever that may be.  Allow God to work whenever, wherever, however and with whomever he wants.  It is actually very funny how God works, never ceasing to amaze or prove me wrong.  I'm just glad that I follow a God who I can trust if and more likely when he does change up my plans.  I can see myself becoming less of a Miss Independent and more of a Jesus Follower.  And in the meantime I'm praying for a willing heart for whatever he brings my way!

 

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope