So Sunday evening came around and that means only one thing: the long run. This week our distance was to be 10 miles! I was pumped up and yet my stomach cringed at the thought of it. Running for that long and that far was not going to be easy that's for sure. But in this sweet time I got to see the Lord continue to teach and reveal things to me.
The first was as we were running and came upon the places that I had once fallen {flat on my face}, Megan jokingly but unmistakably held out her arms in a gesture to catch me just in case I were to fall again. I smiled at her humor but thought that she had just demonstrated what friends are really for. We are not running this race alone and God has provided us with accountability partners and fellow Christians to do exactly that for us: keep us accountable, encourage us, and spur us along. I urge you to find people in your life, if you haven't already, that will do this and will lead you closer to the Lord.
Not only did I have Megan there to make sure I didn't stumble again but I was also wiser in choosing my steps. I knew where my weak spots were, when I was most tired, and worn out so I made sure to take extra care in those places. Our battle scars remind us of our past struggles and difficult places. We are able to avoid those situations because we are stronger when they come a knocking at our door again. We also pray that God will allow us to use our past experiences to influence someone else's life in a positive way, as a testimony. So as part of my testimony, I am proud to say that I did not fall this run unlike the past two weeks.All in all it ended up being a satisfying run. I felt good and though I was tired I could have kept pressing on. Once I got home I took off my shoes and realized (okay this is kind of gross) that I was going to have some blisters and callouses on my feet. These not so welcome effects are reminders as well. They mean that I am going places; I am doing something; I am running the race. Not everything in life-- life living for our Savior-- is sunshine and rainbows, obviously. So say hello to blood blisters, and calluses, and scabs, and soreness! It is inevitable, we are going to have these things but we must remember to not let our hearts become calloused.
And this is where the light bulb floating above my headed flicked on. I had written a verse on a notecard and had it taped onto the mirror of my bathroom for weeks now. I looked at it every time I walked into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc.. Yet the words' meaning did not truly impact me until this yesterday.
Proverbs 28: 14
Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.
This is exactly what I had done. I had been in a dry (desert) and calloused state spiritually and I was feeling so far from God emotionally. I had fallen, literally on my runs and in my relationship with Jesus. What are the steps to recovery they say?
1. Denial and 2. Acceptance and 3. so on and so on...
Well then "my name is Karsyn White and I am a sinner."
And now I am so excited to say that I am moving along in the recovery process for getting my heart back in the right place. Jesus tugged at me and I finally felt aware of his presence for the first time in a long while. Oh my goodness, does it feel good to be back in his arms again. I can finally breathe and my heart has started to soften. Thank you, Lord, for your merciful embrace.
There are so many take-aways from this experience but in the end they have all led me deeper into the midst of my Savior, Jesus Christ and I'm running hard into him.
God's Blessings,
Karsyn Penelope
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