Part II Dating Revelations

Part II of (hopefully) many dating revelations

So about before… You know, my dating post… well I have to say that I did not mean to come across as if I had figured it all out and had it all under control. And I have been reminded of that lately.  Here goes another shot at vulnerability:

I am struggling between knowing the difference between guarding your heart and being closed off. I’m not saying I’ve had any “suitors” just lining up at my door but just in the thinking and the mentality of dating. I’m in college, it is a big deal in all of our lives (don’t act like its not, i know you are 'cause that's what I'd be doing if I was reading this.) But having talked about this thoroughly with my girlfriends because -well- were girls we've decided/realized that maybe we don’t know the difference yet because we don’t need to know yet. Obviously we haven’t been introduced to or been made aware of someone that would cause our dilemma to go from being too closed off to knowing the different between guarding our hearts and opening up. This is God’s way of telling us that its not our time. It is his way of protecting us from pointless drama, heartbreak, nonsense, and the works. I am selfish… thats the bottom line. I don’t think I have met the right person to change my time commitments. I don’t have any time that I would trade with my friends, with my organizations, etc. But all these things will be a clue as to when I do find a guy that I a willing to give up time, willing to open up, willing to allow my independence go, not be selfish for, as long as he is also furthering my relationship with the Lord. After my last attempt to sort through dating a friend responded to me and concluded, “this time of our lives doesn't have to be looked at as a time of “waiting.””  She was so right!  It is still life, it is still happening, going on around us, and my purpose and entire being is not revolved around finding my significant other. I recently went to a church event about dating. Yeah, I know they didn't try to present the subject subtly. But I went and, you know, I learned a lot. I have been struggling with feeling like I shouldn't think about my husband and boys in general because my life shouldn't revolve around them but just like everything else in the world pretty much, there is a balance. In Genesis the Lord makes the woman for the man as a helpmate so it is natural for us to be searching for that. Obviously this isn't our only purpose in life but it is okay to test the waters.
I have been struggling with thinking about boys in general and hating myself when I do because I think I am not “content” with where God has me but I know in my heart I am. I have learned that you can be content and still interested. You do not have to write off boys to be content. And ( though it annoys me sometimes) the opposite sex are a big part of our lives. we don’t need to let them be the center of it but God created us as suitable partners and “for that reason the man leaves his family” (Genesis 2:24.)  We were made not to live to find a mate but to live and find a mate.
This has been an eternal internal struggle for me. I go back and forth (as you can tell from my unending rambling and repetitiveness) and it is hard to be constant because my flesh, the world, tells me one thing and my faith and heart tell me another. But I am consistently learning more and more and I am thankful for that, because, though, I will never be fully “ready” to take on the role of a partner for another, at least I will be somewhat prepared.
And for those of you who aren’t single.. A common question that was brought up at the Equip: Dating night, I mentioned, was “how do you know when your’e ready/or they’re the one?” Well the panel answered with, you know it’s right obviously after a lot of prayer and being obedient to the Lord, but also when your heart and your head line up. You'll know when you're heart is fully in it and your head is in agreement and vice versa. An analogy that came to mind as I was thinking about this has to do with running. Sometimes in my runs the burning in my lungs is what slows me down and other times it is the ache of my legs and yet other times it is both. But just alike when my lungs nor my legs hold me back I can run straight for it— whatever “it” is. So when you have nothing holding you back you know it is right. When we are in God’s will and trusting in him it is okay to trust ourselves because he is in us.

 These lessons seems redundant but they are very potent in where I and others around me are in life.  I hope at least some of this made sense!  Oh, and have a great Thursday because tomorrow is Friday!

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

Behind Enemy Lines

Well it is currently 2:51am and I most definitely have class tomorrow but I cannot, for the life of me, fall asleep. So, I will write. 

You might remember my promise before about how this blog or public journal, I sometimes call it, would not become an update source for my mishappenings in everyday life. Well I plan to keep my word but I must share a quick story. I was telling a friend about another one of those Karsyn moments ("Karsyn" can be substituted for not-so-bright, "smooth," or "of course you would,"  here in the phrase "Karsyn moment".)  I will spare you the details in order to save myself from sounding dramatic but the climax of the story involved me running across campus to a building, which is usually a 15-20 minute walk, in 30 degree weather, with my backpack obnoxiously slamming me from behind with very stride. Not only was I "that person," I was "that person manically running with a hysterical yet trying to seem confident smile on, to a TEST."  Yes, I was late for a test. No need to hear what led up to it and what proceeded, just know I lived through it. 

Anyways, my friend went on to tell me that I should blog about it.  At first I took a defensive stance and immediately questioned if I was being made fun of and to my welcome misinterpretation he wasn't poking fun at me. I jokingly informed him that I let/make these events occur so I can turn them into a good story. For clarification, that is not true in any fashion. But today, well rather this morning, I won't be writing about how I learned a valuable life lesson through a mishap, other than its is smart to leave extra early for class on test days.  Duh, Karsyn, I know. 

     Changing directions, yesterday I was cleaning out a drawer and organizing my too many journals when I picked up a book I had been meaning to start, The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, a satirical Christian apologetic. I have read to chapter 6 and whoa, my mind has already been blown. For those who have not heard about this book, it is a compilation of letters from a Senior demon and his young apprentice guiding him on how to secure the damnation of his "patient."  Yeah, it's pretty intense stuff, people. The book lets you in on the devil's strategy on how he tries to get to us and lead us away from Christ and the life we are called to lead. 

     Some things that have already begun to stand out to me are the following. First, the enemy wants us to think badly of others.  He purposefully points out their flaws, limitations, and struggles to us so that we judge and hold ourself above them.  This is especially true with other Christians in the church, he wants us to find fault in our fellow believers so that we divide. Second is that he wants to make us selfish. He wants our desires and fantasies to be all we think about.  For example, we are whispered lies to about the tone in someone else's voice but we are deaf to hear the tone in our own. Mom, if you're reading this, I'm sorry because I fell and admittedly, still fall into that trap, perhaps too many times... He wants us to reflect all malice and annoyance onto others. The third was about prayer. He tries to make us avoid prayer if at all possible and when that doesn't work, he's got a few more tricks up his sleeve. He either keeps us praying a very vague prayer or he shifts our view of the one we are praying to. When we pray he makes us focus on the God our human minds have created instead of the God the Bible says he is. In the book it gives a few examples such as a crucifix on the wall, an imaginary light in the corner of the room, or just a face in our minds. The devil wants to keep the true image of God out of our hearts, especially when we pray.   

     Though I am not even halfway through with this book I highly recommend it. Knowing the enemy is real and knowing he has tactics he uses against us makes this battle so much more real. For someone who really enjoys action, spy movies, and whose dream job used to be/is to be an undercover agent of some sort (I probably just gave away my future cover but oh well) this made warring against sin come alive. We must defend and guard our hearts, minds, souls, and those of others against Satan's attacks with the Holy Spirit inside of us and God's word in our hands. 

     This book puts you behind enemy lines in this real war we are waging with sin. It shows just how much the enemy is willing to do to destroy us but we already know the outcome of it. Christ is victorious, therefore so are we!

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

1 Peter 5:8

God's blessings,

Karsyn Penelope