Part II Dating Revelations

Part II of (hopefully) many dating revelations

So about before… You know, my dating post… well I have to say that I did not mean to come across as if I had figured it all out and had it all under control. And I have been reminded of that lately.  Here goes another shot at vulnerability:

I am struggling between knowing the difference between guarding your heart and being closed off. I’m not saying I’ve had any “suitors” just lining up at my door but just in the thinking and the mentality of dating. I’m in college, it is a big deal in all of our lives (don’t act like its not, i know you are 'cause that's what I'd be doing if I was reading this.) But having talked about this thoroughly with my girlfriends because -well- were girls we've decided/realized that maybe we don’t know the difference yet because we don’t need to know yet. Obviously we haven’t been introduced to or been made aware of someone that would cause our dilemma to go from being too closed off to knowing the different between guarding our hearts and opening up. This is God’s way of telling us that its not our time. It is his way of protecting us from pointless drama, heartbreak, nonsense, and the works. I am selfish… thats the bottom line. I don’t think I have met the right person to change my time commitments. I don’t have any time that I would trade with my friends, with my organizations, etc. But all these things will be a clue as to when I do find a guy that I a willing to give up time, willing to open up, willing to allow my independence go, not be selfish for, as long as he is also furthering my relationship with the Lord. After my last attempt to sort through dating a friend responded to me and concluded, “this time of our lives doesn't have to be looked at as a time of “waiting.””  She was so right!  It is still life, it is still happening, going on around us, and my purpose and entire being is not revolved around finding my significant other. I recently went to a church event about dating. Yeah, I know they didn't try to present the subject subtly. But I went and, you know, I learned a lot. I have been struggling with feeling like I shouldn't think about my husband and boys in general because my life shouldn't revolve around them but just like everything else in the world pretty much, there is a balance. In Genesis the Lord makes the woman for the man as a helpmate so it is natural for us to be searching for that. Obviously this isn't our only purpose in life but it is okay to test the waters.
I have been struggling with thinking about boys in general and hating myself when I do because I think I am not “content” with where God has me but I know in my heart I am. I have learned that you can be content and still interested. You do not have to write off boys to be content. And ( though it annoys me sometimes) the opposite sex are a big part of our lives. we don’t need to let them be the center of it but God created us as suitable partners and “for that reason the man leaves his family” (Genesis 2:24.)  We were made not to live to find a mate but to live and find a mate.
This has been an eternal internal struggle for me. I go back and forth (as you can tell from my unending rambling and repetitiveness) and it is hard to be constant because my flesh, the world, tells me one thing and my faith and heart tell me another. But I am consistently learning more and more and I am thankful for that, because, though, I will never be fully “ready” to take on the role of a partner for another, at least I will be somewhat prepared.
And for those of you who aren’t single.. A common question that was brought up at the Equip: Dating night, I mentioned, was “how do you know when your’e ready/or they’re the one?” Well the panel answered with, you know it’s right obviously after a lot of prayer and being obedient to the Lord, but also when your heart and your head line up. You'll know when you're heart is fully in it and your head is in agreement and vice versa. An analogy that came to mind as I was thinking about this has to do with running. Sometimes in my runs the burning in my lungs is what slows me down and other times it is the ache of my legs and yet other times it is both. But just alike when my lungs nor my legs hold me back I can run straight for it— whatever “it” is. So when you have nothing holding you back you know it is right. When we are in God’s will and trusting in him it is okay to trust ourselves because he is in us.

 These lessons seems redundant but they are very potent in where I and others around me are in life.  I hope at least some of this made sense!  Oh, and have a great Thursday because tomorrow is Friday!

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

Behind Enemy Lines

Well it is currently 2:51am and I most definitely have class tomorrow but I cannot, for the life of me, fall asleep. So, I will write. 

You might remember my promise before about how this blog or public journal, I sometimes call it, would not become an update source for my mishappenings in everyday life. Well I plan to keep my word but I must share a quick story. I was telling a friend about another one of those Karsyn moments ("Karsyn" can be substituted for not-so-bright, "smooth," or "of course you would,"  here in the phrase "Karsyn moment".)  I will spare you the details in order to save myself from sounding dramatic but the climax of the story involved me running across campus to a building, which is usually a 15-20 minute walk, in 30 degree weather, with my backpack obnoxiously slamming me from behind with very stride. Not only was I "that person," I was "that person manically running with a hysterical yet trying to seem confident smile on, to a TEST."  Yes, I was late for a test. No need to hear what led up to it and what proceeded, just know I lived through it. 

Anyways, my friend went on to tell me that I should blog about it.  At first I took a defensive stance and immediately questioned if I was being made fun of and to my welcome misinterpretation he wasn't poking fun at me. I jokingly informed him that I let/make these events occur so I can turn them into a good story. For clarification, that is not true in any fashion. But today, well rather this morning, I won't be writing about how I learned a valuable life lesson through a mishap, other than its is smart to leave extra early for class on test days.  Duh, Karsyn, I know. 

     Changing directions, yesterday I was cleaning out a drawer and organizing my too many journals when I picked up a book I had been meaning to start, The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, a satirical Christian apologetic. I have read to chapter 6 and whoa, my mind has already been blown. For those who have not heard about this book, it is a compilation of letters from a Senior demon and his young apprentice guiding him on how to secure the damnation of his "patient."  Yeah, it's pretty intense stuff, people. The book lets you in on the devil's strategy on how he tries to get to us and lead us away from Christ and the life we are called to lead. 

     Some things that have already begun to stand out to me are the following. First, the enemy wants us to think badly of others.  He purposefully points out their flaws, limitations, and struggles to us so that we judge and hold ourself above them.  This is especially true with other Christians in the church, he wants us to find fault in our fellow believers so that we divide. Second is that he wants to make us selfish. He wants our desires and fantasies to be all we think about.  For example, we are whispered lies to about the tone in someone else's voice but we are deaf to hear the tone in our own. Mom, if you're reading this, I'm sorry because I fell and admittedly, still fall into that trap, perhaps too many times... He wants us to reflect all malice and annoyance onto others. The third was about prayer. He tries to make us avoid prayer if at all possible and when that doesn't work, he's got a few more tricks up his sleeve. He either keeps us praying a very vague prayer or he shifts our view of the one we are praying to. When we pray he makes us focus on the God our human minds have created instead of the God the Bible says he is. In the book it gives a few examples such as a crucifix on the wall, an imaginary light in the corner of the room, or just a face in our minds. The devil wants to keep the true image of God out of our hearts, especially when we pray.   

     Though I am not even halfway through with this book I highly recommend it. Knowing the enemy is real and knowing he has tactics he uses against us makes this battle so much more real. For someone who really enjoys action, spy movies, and whose dream job used to be/is to be an undercover agent of some sort (I probably just gave away my future cover but oh well) this made warring against sin come alive. We must defend and guard our hearts, minds, souls, and those of others against Satan's attacks with the Holy Spirit inside of us and God's word in our hands. 

     This book puts you behind enemy lines in this real war we are waging with sin. It shows just how much the enemy is willing to do to destroy us but we already know the outcome of it. Christ is victorious, therefore so are we!

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

1 Peter 5:8

God's blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

He is the Same, I am Changed.

Reading the Old Testament is pretty difficult.  I have been in Deuteronomy lately and recently read:

58 “If you are not careful to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God, 59 then the Lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, afflictions severe and lasting, and sicknesses grievous and lasting. 60 And he will bring upon you again all the diseases of Egypt, of which you were afraid, and they shall cling to you. 61 Every sickness also and every affliction that is not recorded in the book of this law, the Lord will bring upon you, until you are destroyed. 62 Whereas you were as numerous as the stars of heaven, you shall be left few in number, because you did not obey the voice of the Lord your God. 63 And as the Lord took delight in doing you good and multiplying you, so the Lord will take delight in bringing ruin upon you and destroying you. And you shall be plucked off the land that you are entering to take possession of it.

Deuteronomy 28:58-63

It is hard for born again believers to wrap our minds around this passage.  He is so intense and this scares us, which it should.  But the reality is that God is constant, never changing from beginning to end.  So then that must mean he is still this same God from Deuteronomy.  The God who sends the most painful and wretched consequences to those who deliberately disobey his laws.  Punishments of pure suffering and sheer distress.

     I was pondering this for a while and for a brief time felt a little confused because this characteristic of God had not always been taught fully to me.  I know that there will always be things that my little mind just won't be able to comprehend about such an all-knowing God.  But he did reveal to me how he can still be that jealous and just beyond all comprehension and yet the most compassionate and patient giver of grace.  The answer to how he can be both of these extremes is

JESUS.

     Jesus, period.  He was and is the answer.  How long have we always known that?  I mean really, that is the most used answer for everything in church, (the "church" answer.)  But really think about it and he will reveal it to you as well.  Think about what Jesus did for us.  Yes, he bared an unbearable death.  He literally felt the weight of all our sins.  He was separated from his Father, even though he was without blemish.  Put it into perspective.  He took on every single act of justice that we deserved, including death of course, but all those that would have occured before death as well.  Pain, suffering, sickness, loss...

fearful plagues.  harsh and prolonged disasters.  severe and lingering illnesses.

     He saved us from so much unthinkable, unimaginable consequences which we fully were owed thousands of times over.  But now as we are taught, Christ's blood covers our sins and transgressions.  And when that same jealous, and in our own mind, seemingly harsh God from the Old Testament looks at us, instead of seeing a black and sick heart he sees his One and Only Perfect Son. God is still that God but it is I who am changed because I have been saved.  I am no longer of this world.  Though I am a sinner, I am different because of Jesus.  

     Something that I have known for so long, God brought to me in a new light.  Perhaps to shake me up or awaken me, things were put into a fresh new perspective.  I'm sure he has done the same for you as well from time to time.  Just a great and real reminder of the fullness of the God who calls us his.

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

Guatemala, Guatever, Guat's Up etc...

 

 

  So I've been back in the States for about four days now and I've got some great stories, new experiences, and a little bit of that Guatemalan tan (maybe just a hint.) I have sort of been in a daze, a "what is real life and what isn't" kind of daze. I think this happens a lot to people when they return back to their normal lives, though they might have better words to describe it than I. But I can't wait to share a little bit about our trip to the really very beautiful Guatemala!

     My team and I from Pine Cove were in Guatemala for 10 days.  We were challenged but had a ton of fun.  We spoke a lot of Spanglish, so much in fact that we were all stumbling over our English.  We forgot about grammar so communicating in Spanish and English became a little more difficult.  So now that I have been in school for a couple days I am still trying to process everything.  I've been thinking about my new friends I left behind and our team that had gotten so close in such a short amount of time. 

     We got to live in a different culture in a different country.  We helped lead a camp with our Guatemalan counterparts.  The camp was towards the coast near Taxisco and about two hours from Guatemala City.  If it wasn't obvious enough that we were "not in Kansas anymore" after seeing the mountains rise out of the landscape every direction, hearing a different language, volcanoes casually pluming with steam, then the very large iguana found in the boys' bathroom definitely reminded us of that.  Camp was amazing though.  We had two sessions: one with younger kids and the other with older.  I was personally very nervous for being with the older kids because it is harder to have a deeper conversation in a language you don't particularly know.  They aren't as entertained with "what is your favorite color?" as the little ones are.  But before I even thought of going to God with this prayer he answered it.  He goes before us and intervenes on our behalf and he went beyond all the barriers that were accounted for on this kind of trip and he formed friendships, created bonds, and changed lives.  We saw a lot of kids accept Christ into their hearts.  And the amazing thing was that their ways of worship and camp and Bible Study looked a little different than what we may be used to but who am I to say that God isn't big enough to work in a way I just wasn't used to?  I was humbled and inspired and energized on this trip.  It was such a sweet time to see God in a place that I am not familiar with.  We talked about this on our trip but we did not bring God to Guatemala, he was already working there. 

     I have been keeping up with some of my friends that I met in Guatemala and it is so exciting to have friends from around the world.  This trip confirmed my passions for others and meeting others from todo el mundo and I cant wait to see where God takes me next!

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

For more on the trip here's the link to a blog I got to write about how God was working! 

http://missiontrips.pinecove.com/second-session-is-underway/ 

The ~Ever Inevitable~ Relationship Post

Alright, I'm laying it all out on the table.  Writing a dating blogpost is risky business but I'll continue... Obviously, I am a female college student.  Yes, we think about our futures and of course that includes our future husbands and all that entails.  And guys don't think we don't know y'all think about it too.

As girls and guys, sometimes there are two extremes in going about a relationship. 
       The first is that our worth and happiness and fulfillment come from having a significant other.  Or we're constantly chasing after a relationship or constantly desiring one.  Sometimes we are obsessed (okay obsessed is a very overused yet harsh word, but I'm still going to use it here) with a girl/guy/the want of one that we forget that as a part of the church we already have a groom, Christ!
       The second case is where we become so independent that we are stubborn towards, even the thought of having a relationship.  With such a hard-headed mindset we might even resist someone if God placed them on our doorstep.  This case could even include those who fear "feelings."

      This is actually where I found myself this semester.  I had plans for my single life.  I was going to do things before I had someone else to worry about.  I wanted time to be selfish and do the things I wanted to do.  I was going to travel and have experiences alone and focus on friendships.  (This may also still be the case but I'm always in the process of learning how to let God make my plans.) This was my mindset for a long time and then one day a friend told me that it was okay to open up and look forward to the day "the one" might come along whether I know him now or not and it is okay to feel for someone because we were made to feel. 
      I realized that it is all a balancing act of guarding your heart (as if we haven't heard that ever) and allowing them to open up to God's will as well.  Actually, we can call it more of an act of faith than a balancing act.  In the end God will have the final say and we get to choose whether it is by the easy way because we were obedient and trusting or the hard way because we weren't. 
      I found my middle ground about a week ago.  I tried to explain this moment to my friends and my mom and found it kind of difficult but I'll try again now.  So I was walking across campus on my way to class, I had absolutely nothing on my mind and I wasn't thinking about anything.  All of a sudden these words were in my heart and were coming out of my mouth, "thank you, Lord, that I am single right now."  In this instance I actually stopped walking and paused.  I couldn't believe I had just spoken those words out loud.  I have honestly enjoyed being single and just the independence that comes with it but to actually be thankful at a time in life when everyone seems to believe that you have to be engaged by graduation or something is wrong, shocked me.  It was because of my own surprise, I realized that God, himself, had given me that thought, the thought to be grateful for a period of singleness in life.  In that moment the Lord, literally, spoke a prayer of thanksgiving into my heart.  It was such a sweet experience that reassured me that God has got it all covered and all I need to do is enjoy the adventure he has me on.

I can't make plans for myself because God is just going to ruin them anyways 

     Once you are satisfied with being single, accept that God might put someone in your life before you "think" you're ready, and fully put all this in his hands, he begins to prepare your heart for what is coming next in life, whatever/whoever that may be.  Allow God to work whenever, wherever, however and with whomever he wants.  It is actually very funny how God works, never ceasing to amaze or prove me wrong.  I'm just glad that I follow a God who I can trust if and more likely when he does change up my plans.  I can see myself becoming less of a Miss Independent and more of a Jesus Follower.  And in the meantime I'm praying for a willing heart for whatever he brings my way!

 

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

Getting Older, Not Growing Up

I hope everyone enjoyed thanksgiving with friends and family!  I ate like I was about to go into hibernation and I wouldn't have minded if that had been the case, especially with finals just around the corner.  But on the bright side, it is officially Christmas time so bring on the good tidings!

Being home has reminded me of how much I am growing up.  Probably because when I come home my mom takes such good care of me and I totally let her.  But I am now officially over two weeks into being 20 years old. Wait what?!? Yeah, two decades!  That seems so old to me, NOT saying that anything older is old, just I can't believe I have lived and lived through 20 years of life.  I can't help but feel a twinge of something, and I don't know exactly what, when I think about it.  Life is coming full steam ahead and it's time to start getting excited about the future and what God has in store for me. Yet, the other day as I was filling out a form I still found myself accidentally writing 19 in the "age" blank.

Maybe it's because I don't feel mature enough to be 20. You could probably ask any of my friends and family and they'd tell you just how silly I can be. I, personally, like to say I'm still a kid at heart.

 After talking to friends already in the real world, or on their way, and getting closer myself,  I've come to the conclusion to be in the mind set of: getting older but not growing up. 

I'm accepting the years are going to keep on coming-- I'm no longer in denial, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to retire my crazy adventurous side. I have been going through 1 and 2 Corinthians lately and as I started thinking about my predicament of 'never getting younger again,' I was reminded of a passage I had read. 

Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults. 

1 Corinthians 14:20

Getting older, at times, requires that we think like adults. Responsibilities and reality never go away. But I believe that the Lord never planned on us going through our life getting more serious with age either. just wiser. He wants us to be innocent of what is evil and with innocence comes a joy that only the Lord can provide. There is a difference between innocence and ignorance though, and it is important that we know this as well.

So whether you're still "preparing" for your future or living your future right now, remember to enjoy it.  Make everyday an adventure. Smile and laugh and be spontaneous and crazy every once in a while.   Don't let the trials and tribulations of the world that we go through as we get older jade your heart or chaff at your spirit. Show off that eternal joy that not even the pains of life can take away!

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

A Sequel

I know it hasn't been that long since I've posted last but I have to share a Part II of  Knocked {Flat on my Face} Down. 

       So Sunday evening came around and that means only one thing: the long run.  This week our distance was to be 10 miles!  I was pumped up and yet my stomach cringed at the thought of it.  Running for that long and that far was not going to be easy that's for sure.  But in this sweet time I got to see the Lord continue to teach and reveal things to me. 
       The first was as we were running and came upon the places that I had once fallen {flat on my face}, Megan jokingly but unmistakably held out her arms in a gesture to catch me just in case I were to fall again.  I smiled at her humor but thought that she had just demonstrated what friends are really for.  We are not running this race alone and God has provided us with accountability partners and fellow Christians to do exactly that for us: keep us accountable, encourage us, and spur us along.  I urge you to find people in your life, if you haven't already, that will do this and will lead you closer to the Lord.
       Not only did I have Megan there to make sure I didn't stumble again but I was also wiser in choosing my steps.   I knew where my weak spots were, when I was most tired, and worn out so I made sure to take extra care in those places.  Our battle scars remind us of our past struggles and difficult places.  We are able to avoid those situations because we are stronger when they come a knocking at our door again. We also pray that God will allow us to use our past experiences to influence someone else's life in a positive way, as a testimony.  So as part of my testimony, I am proud to say that I did not fall this run unlike the past two weeks.
       All in all it ended up being a satisfying run.  I felt good and though I was tired I could have kept pressing on.  Once I got home I took off my shoes and realized (okay this is kind of gross) that I was going to have some blisters and callouses on my feet.  These not so welcome effects are reminders as well.  They mean that I am going places; I am doing something; I am running the race.  Not everything in life-- life living for our Savior-- is sunshine and rainbows, obviously.  So say hello to blood blisters, and calluses, and scabs, and soreness!  It is inevitable, we are going to have these things but we must remember to not let our hearts become calloused. 
       And this is where the light bulb floating above my headed flicked on.  I had written a verse on a notecard and had it taped onto the mirror of my bathroom for weeks now.  I looked at it every time I walked into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc..  Yet the words' meaning did not truly impact me until this yesterday.

 

Proverbs 28: 14

Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.

This is exactly what I had done.  I had been in a dry (desert) and calloused state spiritually and I was feeling so far from God emotionally.  I had fallen, literally on my runs and in my relationship with Jesus.    What are the steps to recovery they say?

1. Denial and 2. Acceptance and 3. so on and so on... 

Well then "my name is Karsyn White and I am a sinner."

And now I am so excited to say that I am moving along in the recovery process for getting my heart back in the right place. Jesus tugged at me and I finally felt aware of his presence for the first time in a long while. 
Oh my goodness, does it feel good to be back in his arms again.  I can finally breathe and my heart has started to soften.  Thank you, Lord, for your merciful embrace.

There are so many take-aways from this experience but in the end they have all led me deeper into the midst of my Savior, Jesus Christ and I'm running hard into him.


      

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

Knocked {Flat on my Face} Down

If we had a penny for every time we heard "when life knocks you down, just get back up again" or something to that extent we'd all be rich.  When I think of this quote I always picture the actual image of being knocked down and having to get up again and again and yet again. Well I got another spiritual analogy for you today. 

First off, here's the background.  Two of my friends and I are training for a half marathon. It's in about a month now and every week our distance increases. It is intense but the challenge is so fun! Anyways, you probably have heard how to relate running a race to our spiritual walk.

Hebrews 12:1 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

 Or

Philippians 3:13-14

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 These are just a few examples. 

        So in training for a marathon, we have been going off a program that breaks down how we should work out every day up until the race. Being disciplined is tough!  That's a lesson in itself. Sometimes I simply don't want to run. But now that we are getting to our long runs it has actually become more "fun."  If that's even possible for fun and run to be in the same sentence. The challenge is exciting and every week when the distance goes up I run further than I ever have before. It's a great feeling to accomplish something. 

        But back to the getting knocked down in the race of life, and having the perseverance to continue to get back up again and again...

       Tired physically and emotionally, we are weak and when little stumbling blocks come it's easy to just let ourselves fall. I can attest to this because, I have embarrassingly taken two dramatic falls while running in the past two weeks.  The first I stepped on a rock, twisted my ankle, and crashed to the ground while my phone took the brunt of the fall. The second time was on our eight mile run.  I was tired and using all my energy to just keep my legs going when the sidewalk became uneven, my toe caught the edge and I went soaring into the air. I realized what was happening but did nothing to stop it. I did manage a little roll at the end to hopefully save my dignity. (Not that I even had any left and turns out I didn't...)  I know that my friend probably was concerned at first and then we both could not control our laughter except all the while we were trying to run still. 

        As we continued our run I had a long while to think. It's amazing how in those moments the embarrassment and pain of literally falling on my face near  pretty busy roads didn't really hit me/my pride until later. Both times I immediately got up and told my friend, Megan, to keep on running because I didn't want to ruin our run or mile time. It's amazing that you can be so focused on a goal or challenge that even the most embarrassing situations seem to not matter in the "long run."  (That just happened to workout as a perfect play on words.)  In the marathon of life when we are knocked down, specifically by sin or a challenging time, we have some choices:

1. We can simply stay down

2. We can be spurred on, use that "adrenaline" to keep on going stronger, and put it in the past and look forward

It's easy enough to say duh, the second choice is right , but even at the risk of sounding like a broken record "it's not about what happens in life, it's how you react."  So here's the challenge: be so focused on the Lord, your eyes so fixed on him, that even when trouble comes we throw it off, persevere, forget what is behind, and strain toward the real reason we are running at all.


God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

I'm wandering hopelessly through a desert and it's hot and dry and...

Ever been walking through a spiritual desert? Has your faith ever been dried up by life?

There are times in our lives as Christians that we feel spiritually far away from God.  We can not feel him and we are not emotionally stirred by him in worship, or prayer, or quiet times, or sermons.  But the truth is, we can't rely on our emotions to reassure us that he is still near.  We are human and our emotions are seriously out of whack.  We can not trust ourselves because we are simply human-- sinners. 
This is how I had been feeling and as a result I was unmotivated, grouchy and a little bratty.  When one morning in my quiet time, the Lord showed me this passage:

1 Corinthians 14:15-16

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind. If you are praising God with your spirit, how can one who finds himself among those who do not understand say "Amen" to your thanksgiving, since he does not know what you are saying?

 

 

Our relationship with Christ is not based on how we're feeling, yesterday, today, or tomorrow.  We are commanded to praise and obey our Father.  Sometimes we don't want to do it and sometimes we're just "not feeling it" but we are called to do it no matter what.  This commandment is what leads us to praise him even in the rough and dry seasons of our spiritual walk with Christ.  When our hearts are broken or hardened, our mind should still know full well the power and love that our Lord and Savior has for us.

And in that... in those times when the world is telling us to forget about our faith, in those times when it's hard and we find ourselves not passionate at all, we must still make sure that our lives point to Him.  This is what brings non-believers to their knees. When they see this in how we live, they see Him.  I've said it before and I'll say it again life is not all about what happens but how we react. 

 

So in those times when you're wandering hopelessly though a desert... and it's hot... and dry... and you're waiting and praying for the Lord to move and stir your heart, you've just got to keep on keepin' on.

 

 

God's Blessings

 

Karsyn Penelope

Father Knows Best

Alright so I could probably write a novel on my mishaps.  I should stop being surprised by my many misfortunes.  I should also realize that the saying "when it rains, it pours" is very applicable to my life.  And I have realized that when these 'accidents' happen a multitude of life lesson come out of them. 
I must admit, this has all sounded like I'm having a bit of a pity party for myself (party of one), but let me say I am not trying to complain, as I have very recently learned and been convicted of that complaining about our circumstances is criticizing our God.  So bear with me as I tell you this story.

Now if you know me you might know about my car, Simba (yes, I named my car. People say when you name something you become emotionally attached to it-- well it's true.)  Anyways I love Simba and I am very thankful that I have a car but he has had more than his fair share of issues.  Since just being away at college he has broken down in the middle of the road twice now, not to mention the three flat tires I've had.  You may know about the time that I rather stupidly caught a ride with a man wearing a Scottish kilt, dressed from the medieval times when I was stranded on the side of a freeway halfway between College Station and Houston, that was a good story. But anyways, it is now a very common occurence for me to be asked the question "how is Simba doing?" Well yesterday one of my notorious "Oh Life" learning moments occurred and, you guessed it, it involved good ol' Simba.

              So I am driving down the highway when a really weird noise starts coming from my car.  I wasn't totally surprised because it's not uncommon with my car, when all of a sudden a loud clunk brings Simba to a halt-- in the middle of the road just before a bridge.  The gas pedal was working fine but the front wheels just wouldn't move.  And cue the panic!  I immediately fumbled to flick on my hazards and opened the door so that the pile up of cars behind me would know that they were going to have to go around me because I wasn't going anywhere.  I called my dad and chaotically tried to explain what had happened and that I was currently in the middle of the road.  On the verge of frustrated tears a couple of guys pulled up to help me push the car to the side of the road, all the while the car sounded like it was about to fall apart and I mean this in the most literal way possible.  Once out of the way of traffic the gentlemen made sure I was okay and went on their way.  I called my dad back and just lost it...
              You see, I had gone home the weekend before and my dad told me that I should take his car back to school so that my parents could figure out what to do with Simba and so that he wouldn't have to worry about me being three hours away with a very temperamental automobile.  But of course, in my prideful stubbornness I refused, because I wanted my car.  Not even two days later was my dad proven to be right.  He got a call from his frazzled daughter with a broken down car on the highway as the proof of his wisdom. 
              Boy was I feeling pretty stupid and angry at myself for not just listening to dad.  All he wanted to do was help me and keep me safe and protect me from emotional and physical stress, but no I wanted to do things my own way.  He rebuked me as he should have and then today when I talked to  him I told him how sorry I was for not being obedient without whining or complaining and he responded with "we live and we learn" and he told me that he loved me.  This is the perfect illustration how God is a father to us and if my dad on earth can exemplify this then think of how much greater a perfect, immortal, all-knowing Father is. 

How many times do we do this in our walk with the Lord, our heavenly Father.  We don't believe what the Word says about him. We don't believe that he can forgive us when we mess up; we don't trust that he has our better interest in mind; we just don't. All he wants is the best for us and I know that we have all heard that a million and one times before but do you wait to trust in Him until you go through a crisis or a mishap?  I know I'm guilty of that.  Is it always going to take a storm to make me trust in my God, my God who tells the winds to blow and the clouds to rain? 
All I can say is learn to have faith in your Creator and obey him.  He knows best... always.

Oh and I love you, Dad!

Underlying Lessons

In proclaiming to be a Christian I was really convicted in the midst of the chaos yesterday to show Christ in how I responded.  So much of life is not what happens but how we respond.  In the really not fun situation God gave me a joy that only could've come from him.  I had to interact with several different people: the Indian call-center guy from my insurance, the policeman who came to make sure everything was okay, the tow-truck guy, and the auto repair workers.  With everyone I just felt the need to be extra positive and friendly and thankful.  I do not know what came over me so obviously it was the Holy Spirit.  I even enjoyed each of my interactions with these people when I usually would be on the brink of just absolutely losing it altogether.  In short, we must remember who we represent at all times and have joy in every situation.  God always has provisions for us even in the everyday, mundane trials of life.  We must continue to have a joy that is eternal and from the Lord.  Once again it all comes down to trusting him and his undeniable, unending, unchangeable (even when we don't listen to him) love for us.


I promise that I won't change the name of this blog to the Misfortunate Life of Karsyn, but my dad is right "we live and we learn" and God allows good to come out of everything, even if only for life lessons.


God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

A Really Sad Story

Okay, first of all let me preface this story with the fact that it is really not that sad in the grande scheme of life, but in the moment it was truly devastating. 

September 14, 2013

It was the day of the A&M v. Bama game. The "biggest game of all of college football this season," according to ESPN. The hype in College Station was absolutely insane. We already have a traffic problem here but this week took it to a whole new level. 

So my roommates and I planned to leave several hours early to give ourselves time to get on campus, walk around to some tailgates, and just soak in the game day atmosphere. We tucked our IDs and tickets into our boots and started the very long trek from our car to campus. As we were coming up to Kyle Field, I looked down to check my boot for my ticket. My heart immediately dropped.. It wasn't there... I was overwhelmed with a sinking feeling of disappointment, anger at myself, self-pity, and the surprising urge to laugh/cry hysterically. Why me, out of all games...

Well really long story short, we did everything we could to find it, and believe me I mean everything. But I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I couldn't go to THE game of the year. I'm not going to lie, it was a very depressing time. 

So anyways I called up one of my friends who was unfortunately, but fortunately for me, unable to go to the game we as well. I asked her to come get me from campus so I could watch the game with her at her house. Once in the car I told her my pathetic story. I have to say I was proud of myself for holding back tears, but once I called my mom, I'll admit, a few did escape. 

But throughout this whole event so many truths were popping into my mind. 

1. God totally could have provided me with another opportunity to get into the game. (He didn't, but He sure could have)

2. Finding joy in all situations-- because our joy comes from The Lord and not from some overrated, over-priced football game. (I realize what I just said was blasphemous by an Aggie in the Deep South, but this is for the purpose of the lesson. Fact is, eternally, football doesn't last.)

3. Be thankful always, for everything. I was so glad that my friend didn't have to spend her Saturday watching the game alone because everyone else had plans to go. I knew in that instance how sad she must have been when she realized she wouldn't be able to attend. But also, selfishly, I was glad that I didn't have to spend my Saturday alone. God totally provided us with each other so we wouldn't be lonely!

The upside was we got a much better view of the game in the A/C. Why he allowed this to happen to me, besides reiterating these truths, I may never know.  I won't dwell on it anymore, but it does make a pretty sad yet comical story now that some time has passed.

And the outcome of the game.. Well, we won't talk about that. 

God's Blessings, 

Karsyn Penelope

Post Summer

Well I'm back in Aggieland! Camp ended and it was pretty sad to leave and the rest of summer was not so eventful except seeing friends and family.  And that ended and I packed up and moved back to College Station. 

At camp they told us that the whole experience would take some time to sink.  And they were definitely right.  It wasn't until I was back at school and talking to someone for the millionth time about my summer at Pine Cove that I realized what I had learned. 
My personality is one where I like to be on the frontlines.  I am not naturally a backstage person.  But this summer being on the program staff at Pine Cove and working a lot in the kitchen, cleaning dishes, cleaning the pool, working the store, I realized that God was teaching me how to work and serve behind the scenes, where you don't get a ton of recognition.  Humility is required for that kind of job and that is exactly why God had placed me there.  I learned how to encourage and serve whole-heartedly, not always being seen.  What a blessing it was to understand what my purpose was this summer.
Now that I am starting back up a routine and school and leading a Freshman Bible study through my church here, this passage has a new meaning.
1 Corinthians2:1-5 When I cam to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.
Paul is telling the Corinthians that we don't have to know it all, look fancy, be in the center of the crowd, or talk like a genius to share the Gospel.  It does take humility in who we are and faith in who our God is.

God's Blessings,

      Karsyn Penelope

Camp Life

So I think it's time I update on my life at camp so far this summer...

 I am working at Pine Cove Christian Camps and I am at the Ranch which is for 6th and 7th graders. I have been here for 4 weeks, 2 for training and we just finished our second week of having campers. Not going to lie this kind of work takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, and physically. But the outcome is so worth it. Not only do we get to share the Gospel to kids but we as staff are learning as well.
 I had a moment last week where I was brought to a place where I was being taught by a 7th grader, who happened to be my little brother. I received a letter with the verse 1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. What a great reminder that in the midst of all the work that goes into camp that it is not by our own strength it is the strength of The Lord in us and even if we don't see immediate fruits of our labor we know that Gid will 'lift us up' in His own perfect timing. This definitely puts me in my place and still gives me such a strong sense of hope. What a great God we serve.


In other news I am getting to meet some awesome new God-loving people from all over the country and my brother got to attend the same camp I was working.  It was such a blessing to see him interacting and responding to Christ. I am so excited to see what else God has in store for me and the rest of the PC staff and campers.
Can I just stay at camp forever please?




God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

Compromise

Currently I've really been struggling with healthy habits. I don't want to be gluttonous and be so dependent on food because believe me I like to eat. I mean who doesn't?  I have a major sweet tooth but I also have a problem with accepting my body the away it is. It is a constant battle of obsessing over eating healthy and indulging in my chocolate cravings. I don't want to feel guilty for eating what I want but I don't want to look at myself and realize that I don't like what I see. It is such a hard balance and for girls everywhere it is a battle.   You have to compromise. 
One of my mentors said to me that eating is a form of worship. You are enjoying what God has blessed us with and eating is also a way of survival. 
But on the other hand, I believe that our bodies are a temple and we are to treat it with care and discipline. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Recently one of my guy friends also called me out for "conforming to society" with what we think we, as girls, are supposed to look like. And I was a little standoffish because, uh no you didn't just call me out, and then I thought we'll at least there are guys out there that don't let this world obscure the beauty of a girl just the way our Creator made us. 

Wow that was a lot of rambling but I hope any of the girls reading this know that you are not the only one struggling with this. 

God's Blessings,

      Karsyn Penelope

Changing A Flat

Today I got in my car to go to the gym and run some errands.  I could feel something a little off about my car but it has had so many issues lately I just thought it was no big deal.  It wasn't unitl after I was headed home that a man in a car next to me at a stop light flagged me down and frantically pointed at my car. So I rolled down my window so that he could inform me that my tire was flat.  I babbled, "okay thanks," and drove off as the light turned green.  I wasn't quite sure what to do-- whether I should pull over or try to make it back to the parking garage.  I made it back and parked my car and saw that my tire was definitely deflated. 
I had to call up some of my guy friends and see if they could help me out. 

The point is that if that man hadn't have waved at me from the other lane I never would have known my tire was flat.  (Obviously I don't know much about cars.)  But this is true in life too, in our Christian lives. 
People are going through life and they know something isn't quite right but they dont know what that is.  We as Christians are called to chase after non-believers and tell them their tire is flat, they have sin and but the love of Christ covered that sin.  If we don't tell them then how will they know?
Now I know this might be kind of a stretch of a metaphor but for me this experience showed me alot.

God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

If It Were Reality

So I just got back to school from Spring Break.  And reality is hitting me hard. First let me explain what I did over Spring Break.  I went on a mission trip to NY with my church here in College Station.  We were with the Southern Baptist Disaster Relief and we were working on houses that had been destroyed by hurricane Sandy.  We were roughin' it with port-a-potties, tents, cots, shower trailers, outside sinks, and 30 degree weather, but it was absolutely a blast!  We stayed and worked in Staten Island but on Tuesday we got to go to Brooklyn and visited the Brooklyn Tabernacle, which was awesome! And on Friday we got to spend the day in NYC and we all had so much fun.



But my dilemma is coming back home.  Life feels boring and a little pointless now to be back in this routine in a place I'm so used to.  I miss the excitement of being somewhere else and adventure.  Then I started thinking why can't life be that exciting all the time?  Yeah things become normal wherever we are but we can make life invigorating anytime we want.  God did not intend for this life to be stagnant and dull. 
We are called to go to all nations and proclaim the Gospel.  Now obviously we can't all always go to another country but we are aliens of this world.  We do not belong here and we are not from here, so really we are just visiting. 
I guess what I'm getting at is that we shouldn't let routine get us bummed out because God can use that and it is not an entirely bad thing but we also shouldn't become so comfortable in our routine that we become complacent. 
Just some thoughts as I get back into the swing of things here, let adventure and excitement become your reality.

God's Blessings,



Karsyn Penelope

Knowing when to DTR

Okay, so I am now adding blogging to my agenda for Wednesdays.  That way I can actually stay on top of things.  I may just be 'blogging' to myself but it is still a good way to think through things, reflect and remind myself of all the things God is doing in my life.

Lately I've found myself in situations of having to define the relationship and I forgot how awkward that conversation can be.  "I'm sorry, but I just want to be friends," "I'm not really looking for anything/a relationship right now."  YEAH its tough.  But I just want to remind all the girls out there and myself to not let your morals be questioned by getting involved with the wrong guy at the wrong time. 

If you're feeling like you need a guy then that's your first sign that you're not ready.  God will place someone in your life when you're least expecting it and you are mature enough.  When you stop looking at every guy as "possible boyfriend material" and start looking at them as your brothers in Chirst will be the time when something/someone comes along to sweep you off your feet.
Stay in the Word and these will not be so difficult.  Guard your heart with the Word and your relationships will stay pure and centered on Christ. 


God's Blessings,

Karsyn Penelope

The Future

Recently I've really been giving a lot of thought to my future.  I guess that's kind of expected since I am in college and I'm working for a degree.  But lately I have just been really curious as to what my future holds.  Since August I have seen God's blessings flow out to me in so many ways.  He has revealed part of His plans for me, He has given me some awesome new friends, and He has grown my appreciation for my friends and family back home.  It makes me so excited to see what else is to come.  Today in church the pastor said something like we can't go through life always thinking "life" will start at that next stage.  This is so difficult being in college.  It is so easy to feel like our lives haven't started yet because we are still in school and haven't started our careers yet.  We have to realize that llife has ALREADY started and we better get with it or it will definitely pass us by. 
I think that there is a balance between living for the here and now and also preparing for the future.  So I have made some goals for my self in both these areas:

Now-     1. Have an intentional conversation with someone about God everyday.
              2. Tithe (start good habits now)
              3. "Time enjoyed wasting is not wasted time" -- I love that
Future-  1. Start saving my money (I'm still working on how exactly to do this)
              2.  I started a prayer journal for my future husband-- prayers for him and his life


I am still so amazed at all the things God continually shows me and provides for me.  He is so amazing. 
Better get back to studying for my finals..

God's Blessings,

       Karsyn Penelope

First Lessons Of College

Since coming to college God has been teaching me so much.  I don't think I've ever learned so much and been so ready to learn before.  I am always excited to see what He has in store for me (even if its not what I had planned for myself.)
Already this school year my plans have been intercepted by God and I have had to match my course with the one he has set for me. 

First of all I've felt the sting of rejection from some organizations and let me tell you, its a blow to the pride.  But I knew that God was in control and there were reasons why I didn't  make it in.  I was reminded of Philippians 3.  This passage has recently become my favorite. Verses 3:13-14 says "Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  I knew that there was a reason for everything I just had to be patient, press on and trust my mighty God.
Then all of a sudden his plan started coming into view.  I got into a leadership organization and a Christian one at that! I started to make some awesome friends and even my roommates for next year.  It was truly a blessing and still is.

Another huge lesson that I was taught was about trusting God to provide everything especially financially. On one specific location I had been stressing about money and God in his divine power allowed my car to break down on me.  Causing me to have to pay quite a bit of money, and through this He taught me that my comfort can not come from having money because it is materialistic and it doesn't last.  My next quiet time was Luke and Luke 9:2-3 says "and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them take nothing for the journey- no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic." And later Luke 12:25-31 talks about not worrying because the Lord will provide.  It was totally convicting and I have to admit I was guilty of not trusting Him.

Though college is a lonely time, no family, or even good friends yet, it is a time to completely rely on the Lord.  My friends back home and I had 18 years of our life to grow these friendships, how can we be expected to find such great friends in a couple of months? But God will provide and he most certainly did.  Being here has made me realize I don't exactly mind being alone either (with the Lord, of course.)  He has done so many great things for me and in me and I can't wait to see what else He's got up his sleeve.  

God's Blessings,

        Karsyn Penelope

Oh Life

I am currently sitting on my bed in my dorm room at Texas A&M University.  This is my first time to ever actually do anything like this besides the countless journals that I have half-filled with stories and thoughts and experiences.  As the first post of this blog I just want to tell you a little about what Oh Life will be including and a little about myself.  That is assuming that someone is actually reading this. 

Oh Life

This blog will mainly be about what I am experiencing in life and what God is currently teaching me through those experiences.  I have come to the humbling realization that I am no one without Christ and my eyes have been opened to His power this semester.

About Me

I am an International Studies major at Texas A&M University. Gig 'em!
I am the oldest of three kids. I have a younger brother and a younger sister.
I am a wannabe writer and author and my dreams may exceed my limitations but that won't stop me.
I enjoy traveling, like most poeple, and I am slightly obsessed with Hawaii.
Most importantly, I am a child of God that's chasing after him.